By Robert Mann

I’m not sure if it was a nightmare or a premonition, but I dreamed recently that Donald Trump addressed the Louisiana Legislature. Here’s (vaguely) how it went:

Members, thank you for your kind invitation to speak. You’ve had some terrible, destructive weather. I came down to promise you all the help you need. And when your governor, John Boy, asked me to speak at the opening of this special session, I jumped at the chance. I mean, it’s the least I can do after your state supported me, bigly, in November. No illegals and dead people vote here, right?

Just look at this amazing Capitol building. Someone told me if I’d been here when Bobby Jindal was governor, this could have been mine for an easy four or five million.

And, I had no idea you’d buried Huey Long in the front yard. How is his name not on this building? I mean, a governor builds this Capitol, puts Louisiana on the map and all he gets is a couple of bridges? Sad!

Speaking of Huey, tremendous man, strong leader. He knew how to get things done, believe me. He made great deals. He didn’t take orders from political judges. And when the mayor of New Orleans defied him, he sent in the troops.

Our people need to start winning like Huey. He stuck his finger in the eye of the those who’d robbed this state blind. He spoke truth to the corrupt and powerful and, just like me, he made some people very angry.

I’ve heard he died at an early age. What, exactly, happened to him, John Boy? . . . Oh.

Anyway, I love your state and its people. You send the best people to Washington — like your senators, Bill Cassidy and John Kennedy. They do what I say more than 97 percent of the time. Now, that’s what loving your country looks like, right?

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7 thoughts on “Donald Trump’s ‘dreamy’ speech to the Louisiana Legislature

  1. Bob, thanks for finding a way to inject humor into this otherwise abysmal situation. Sometimes we simply have to laugh.


  2. Bob: A great column–you channel your inner-Trump quite well. Thanks for the levity, though I should not be smiling as we have serious issues in this state and nation that Trump style politics won’t help or address. As he would say, “So sad…really sad.” Chris


  3. Hi Bob, Chilling satire. I hope many of the voting public along with some of our elected officials get it. keep it up, Bob. You may be somewhere between Cassandra and John the Baptist in your insights. Even though I am an illogical optimist, at times I feel like John Adams in 1776, “Is anybody there? Does anybody care?” Keep slugging away and I’ll do what I can from my end. Dave >


  4. I really like the “thumbnail” on our two freshman (and boy, are they gopher-fresh) senators. Sent emails and made calls to their offices about the DeVos confirmation vote, and nary a word back. That tells me they are not only gophers, but chickens too.


    1. If your experience is like mine and you actually get responses, they will be a computer-generated cut-and-paste jobs based on keywords. We have to hope their computers at least spit out a reports of support and opposition by issue, including phone logs, that our senators might see – if the numbers are significant. In that case, our efforts are certainly not wasted.


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