By Robert Mann
I’m not sure if it was a nightmare or a premonition, but I dreamed recently that Donald Trump addressed the Louisiana Legislature. Here’s (vaguely) how it went:
Members, thank you for your kind invitation to speak. You’ve had some terrible, destructive weather. I came down to promise you all the help you need. And when your governor, John Boy, asked me to speak at the opening of this special session, I jumped at the chance. I mean, it’s the least I can do after your state supported me, bigly, in November. No illegals and dead people vote here, right?
Just look at this amazing Capitol building. Someone told me if I’d been here when Bobby Jindal was governor, this could have been mine for an easy four or five million.
And, I had no idea you’d buried Huey Long in the front yard. How is his name not on this building? I mean, a governor builds this Capitol, puts Louisiana on the map and all he gets is a couple of bridges? Sad!
Speaking of Huey, tremendous man, strong leader. He knew how to get things done, believe me. He made great deals. He didn’t take orders from political judges. And when the mayor of New Orleans defied him, he sent in the troops.
Our people need to start winning like Huey. He stuck his finger in the eye of the those who’d robbed this state blind. He spoke truth to the corrupt and powerful and, just like me, he made some people very angry.
I’ve heard he died at an early age. What, exactly, happened to him, John Boy? . . . Oh.
Anyway, I love your state and its people. You send the best people to Washington — like your senators, Bill Cassidy and John Kennedy. They do what I say more than 97 percent of the time. Now, that’s what loving your country looks like, right?
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